It’s just one of those days when you sit down and realize just how much work and dedication you have put into one project and you feel like you have nothing left to give. In the first stage of the five stages of grief they say that you experience denial and isolation.
“1. Denial and Isolation – It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain.” (http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/000617)
I think I am dwelling here and in acceptance. I have begun to accept that I do not know what my plan is, nor do I have a back up plan or a back up plan for my back plan any longer. I have absolutely no idea what direction my life is headed in. When I put my head down at night and when I wake up in the morning, my goal has simply become to be happy. What that looks like I am not exactly sure, but I know that it has many forms. I know that my heart still wants to plan events and put on shows. I don’t know where or when I will know what I am going to do. But I am no longer worried about finding out. I am simply going to be and when it happens, it does.