Goodbye 2013.

I don’t know about you but I have a really bad track record with sticking to the “traditional” New Year’s Eve resolutions. So for 2014 I have decided to focus on three main goals, one short term and two long term. I’ve learned that I need things to be small, tangible and measurable.

My first goal is to graduate in May. I just need to make it through one more semester. 5 more classes. 16 more credit hours. 10+ CAB events and a few fundraisers. – I know I can.

My second goal is to get my migraines under control again. I was feeling great last summer and I want to get back to a point of minimal to no migraines again. The plan is to use all my tools – stretches, breathing, yoga etc daily. I’m excited to continue working with my physical therapist and working to get back on track.

My third and most important goal, is that for 2014 I am going to keep my heart open. Open to new possibilities with family, friends, love and life. I am going to be applying for new and exciting internships, and I want to be open to wherever these roads might take me. I’m staying open to new friends and letting life lead the way. I am connecting with family that I haven’t been that close to in the past and taking the chance to say it love you while I have it. And instead of looking for love I’m going to make love look for me for a change.

I’m going into 2014 with an upmost positive attitude and I could not be more excited to see what the new year holds.

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la familia.

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As a little kid, I always thought that I had it good because I was spoiled by my mom’s parents, had wonderful holiday breaks spent with my cousins, always baking and sledding with the neighbors, typical fights with my brothers but it was still great, right? I honestly wish I could say I knew the answer to that. I have some vivid memories of certain events or time periods in my life but for the most part it is all just one big blur of being a child. Does this happen to all of us? In 20 years (god forbid) will I not remember my twenties or anything about my college years? 

The fall is my favorite time of year because it hosts my three most favorite holidays out of the year. First being my birthday, and yes I do treat it as a holiday. I am awesome and cute and fun and pretty. #pointblankperiod. (If you didn’t read that in a sarcastic tone of voice then I’m sorry but we can’t be friends. But my birthday is seriously one of my favorite holidays. No joke.) Second being Halloween though I was never very creative as a child. Thanksgiving closes out the awesome trio because big girls love food, duh. What do holidays have in common? family. As I have blogged about my older brother before, we weren’t close when I was younger. No one in my house really was. We all just cohabited together under the same roof. Now that we are older and we have an actual brother-sister relationship I have begun to realize the importance in family. 

Within the past month or so I have spent a lot of time with my brother, sister (in-law if we want to be technical) niece, mom and younger brother all in one place at one time. Before my niece was born, you hardly ever found my mom, brother and me in the same room at the same time ever. I truly think the little peanut has brought us all much closer together than we ever were before. It has been a nice change of pace to be surrounded my family 90% of the time. (As an introvert, I thoroughly enjoy my alone time.) I haven’t been into christmas for a while but this year I am feeling incredibly blessed and extremely thankful for the wonderful people in my life. Of course I can’t forget my heygirlhey and bestfrann. Without them, I would be nothing. 

“Good love will find me.” – The Maine 

Migraines.

Migraines are the worst and I’m not talking about just a really bad headache. I’m talking full blown orahs in your eyes, dark room, no light, no sound excruciating migraines. I have had them since I was a freshmen in high school and since they just have become a part of my life. I’ve done all the blood work, CT scans and MRI’s and the doctors have found nothing. I’ve seen three neurologists over last 7-8 years and my new one seems to be the best of them all. Though I am having more migraines now, I feel like they’re brought on by weather changes and stress. I mean I KNOW stress is a major factor. But working part time and going to school full time plus doctors appointments and all my extra curricular activities on campus, I think I deserve to be a little stressed sometimes, right?

Anyway, that’s not my point. My point is that I have had this migraine for a week and it sucks. I just want this cycle to break and to feel better. Or I would settle for someone taking care of me too but I know that’s not going to happen. I think the worst part is when you can’t sleep at night or wake up tired because you didn’t sleep well. This probably just sounds like I’m complaining now but for those of us that have migraines, I know you understand. For those of you that don’t, think about the worst pain you have ever felt, now think about it being only in your head and there is nothing you can take to make the pain stop. Yeah, my migraines are like that. I can fully function in daylight with babies crying with a level 10 migraine if I had to because my pain tolerance has increased that much over the years. Sometimes I wouldn’t why I never aspired to become a neuro or something medical to find a cure for migraines like mine. Though I really hate my migraines today, I am taking them in stride, they are a part of me and this is who I am.

Top 25.

By no means do I think that I have a good sense of fashion or a great taste in music. (Even though I do dress incredibly cute, just fyi.) However, I know what I like and I don’t care what people think about the thing that I love. So judge me all you want but these are my current top 25 favorite songs that I am ending 2013 with. Please feel free to pass along new artists, I love discovering new music!

1. Missed Calls – Mac Miller: This deserves the number one spot because it has gotten me through many nights of tears. Boys and Breaks suck.

2. Hello World – The Maine: They are my favorite band and they need no explanation.

3. New Colors – The Crane Wives: This was the song I was listening to when I officially decided that I wanted to start writing and what inspired the name.

4. We’ll All Be.. – The Maine: “We Will All Be The Greatest” is a quote from the song that I have tattooed on my shoulder. much love. ❤

5. I know I Know I Know – Tegan and Sara

6. Big Jet Plane – Angus and Julia Stone: I fell in love with first when The Maine did a cover, but I love the original just as much!

7. Lakehouse – Of Monsters And Men: Every time I think of Of Mice and Men.. Why? I have no clue. But this song is played a lot of Florence + The Machine iTunes radio and I have fallen in love.

8. Hurricane Drunk – Florence + The Machine: Will always be my favorite.

9. Who Are You – Tess Henley: CAB brought her to campus my first year as president and both her and Carson are just the sweetest and incredibly talented!

10. Slow and Steady – Of Monsters and Men

11. Sort Of – Ingrid Michaelson: “My loves to big for you, my love.” #truth.

12. Say Something – A Great Big World: Duckie.

13. Best Thing I Never Had – Beyonce: NO I have not heard her new album yet. Otherwise I think there wouldn’t be a need for this list. I refuse to illegally download a masterpiece like that and so it is number one on my Christmas list.

14. Start Over – Beyonce

15. Part 2 (On The Run) – Jay Z – #duh.

17. Alone – Kelly Clarkson

18. Party – Beyonce: Cause we like to party.

19. Harlem – New Politics: This was a little gem from Flo’s itunes radio.

20. Manhattan – Kings of Leon: I never really liked them when they first came on the scene but I am in love with this song.

21. Take What You Can Carry – The Maine: #raindances

22. I’m Leaving – The Maine: making changes.

23. Goodbye – The Maine

24. Ribs – Lorde

25.  Hold On, Were Going Home – Drake: Cause what is a playlist without Drake. Seriously.

I feel like music is a window to the soul. For me music has always been able to pick up the broken pieces and put them back together. It never goes back together in the same way it fell apart but that is just a part of growing up and learning to fall in love. I can already tell that 2014 is going to be a big year, filled with lots of magical surprises. Having said that, I’ve decided to spend the next year really focusing on myself, who I am and where I want to go. Music speaks when words can’t and without music who knows where I would be. ❤

 

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Being Happy.

A wise man once told me.. “Shut up and stop thinking about it. It happened. You’re smart, funny, attractive and going places. You need to realize you’re way better than you think.”

I think that at some point in our lives we are all bound to go through a stage of self hate. Sometimes it takes some of us a little longer to realize just how awesome we truly are. Though I have had my moments of seeing my true potential and realizing my greatness, I needed to hit my head on the brick wall of reality. That reality just happened to be my best friend and his words just happened to cut like knives, but he is right. I am pretty great and I do have a lot of plans to do a lot of awesome things with my life. If I just sat and felt bad for myself, that is not going to attract more people into my life, but rather push everyone out of my life. Though my introverted-self wouldn’t completely mind the idea of that, it isn’t going to take me where I want to be.

I have lots of plans for my last semester of my associates degree. The first being to kick ass and try to bring my GPA up as much as possible. My grade goal is for an A’s and B’s. Second, I want to have the most awesome fun run that GR has seen to date. However, I am scared out of my mind for this event. Third = INTERNSHIPS! I have already applied for a pretty awesome internship but I am keeping my doors open. Number 4 is scholarships, because what college student doesn’t need money, right?

I guess the last couple of times that I have tried to write over the last couple of weeks it has always come out wrong and seemed so sad. So I am definitely in need of this winter break for time to reflect on what this semester has taught me. I am grateful for almost being done with my degree. I am thankful for the chance to work with such wonderful people and to have such understanding and caring boss’s. I am inspired by the people I have surrounded myself with and I am choosing to stay positive and be happy. Strangely I know everything is going to be alright. It is hard to wrap my mind around right now, but I can feel it.

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