The other day we got our grades back from our Econ tests we took last week. It would be very fair to say that I didn’t just fail, I bombed it. I walked away from the test feeling content and that is what bothers me the most about my grade. I am first gen and was accepted into the honors program just after my first semester. Granted I am in the 3rd year now and still not done with the program but I am slowly getting there. I am so worried that I won’t be able t o handle two honors classes next semester. I need BOTH classes to graduate with honors, I need ONE honors class and ONE lab science to graduate entirely. I AM STRESSING OUT. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I am scared. For anyone that knows me this probably seems really silly. Why you ask? I am already a semester deep at my transfer school of choice, absolutely LOVE my career path and am getting away going to school almost completely debt free. So why am I freaking out so bad?!
I have always put extra pressure on myself to rise above and beyond, go the extra ten miles; sparkle a little brighter. I am gifted and talented in many ways but I have made many mistakes a long the way that have taught me many valuable lessons I wouldn’t trade for anything. When I put my skills to the test, I doubt my ability to rise above and shine brighter because I don’t like to seem like I am “just that awesome.” I doubt myself because I have made so many mistakes and sometimes I am not sure which way is up.
Don’t get me wrong, I am unbelievably proud of myself for all my accomplishments. But today I am freaked out about my future and stressed out about my grades. Some day, maybe in the near future I will look back on this and laugh but that day is not today.